Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
All the doctor said was why
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
