he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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