I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
