3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
