i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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