that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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