She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize