not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
