i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
