I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
