Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
