the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
