my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
