Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
