the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
