First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
