my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
