Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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