I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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