Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
