I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
