hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
