is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
