youre lurking in front of me
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
