found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up under a house in Key West
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
