Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
