You're so nebulous sometimes
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
