Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?

Fav 29 1172 4265
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(815): View more from Illinois

shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug

Fav 3 1002 3214
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(330): View more from Ohio

I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America

Fav 24 7154 1395
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.

Fav 18 2404 1285
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(816): View more from Missouri

Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.

Fav 5 2432 1087
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(303): View more from Colorado

New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night

Fav 11 2890 1732
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(310): View more from California

I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.

Fav 5 912 546
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(317): View more from Indiana

She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.

Fav 0 416 128
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(646): View more from New York

I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"

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