i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dear god my vagina.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
