She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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