Define "chronic" masturbator.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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