I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
