You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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