i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just had sex on a roof
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
