Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
