So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
