the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
