i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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