I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I party with great urgency now.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
