I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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