im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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