In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
