I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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