I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
