You made me cry and you don't even care
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
