All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
