Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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