Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
