i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
