it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Sober January is a disaster.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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