I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize