worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
