i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
