if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
