I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
