Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
