Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I AM VODKA MAN
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
