I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
