And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
