If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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