East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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