I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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