dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
