So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
