dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
