Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
