alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
