I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize