Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
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It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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