I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
