I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
