The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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