thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
