I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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