She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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