A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
