Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
