i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
