the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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