No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
