I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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