here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
