i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What a dumb baby whore.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
