i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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