She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
sarcasm needs its own font
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
