she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
