Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
