It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There's always time for handjobs
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
