also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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